I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
