mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
