The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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