i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Randomize
