I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Someone came in the potted fern
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
