You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
