no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
