i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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