I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I need to align my fucking chakras
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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