I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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