I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
