I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
