Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
zippers are such a cool invention
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
