so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
