Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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