from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
