my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Randomize
