We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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