Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
