i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
