he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
