yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
