Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
He had one of those small greek statue penises
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
