Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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