Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Randomize
