i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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