is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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