I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
