I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
