How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize