I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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