We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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