the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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