How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
