This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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