sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
