new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
