Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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