I cockslap morals
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
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