4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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