If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
