He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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