if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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