WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Randomize
