I feel great
I just peed on a car
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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