so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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