I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
