He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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