I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
