There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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