i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
