This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
