I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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