I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize