how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
