i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
operation have a gay friend backfired
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
