and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
