Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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