everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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