He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
nutella sex= disaster
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
