if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
