ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
