end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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