just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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