Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize