somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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