We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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