im drinking this country out of the recession.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
